Graduation.

I don't think it'll hit us. Not at least until July, August, September, when we realize that we won't see most of our friends until maybe Thanksgiving/Christmas/Spring/Summer/ten year reunion. But we also realize that there's a whole army of friendships waiting to be made, and then we feel a little better. But most of us won't feel that 'better' until sometime in our sophomore year of college.

I've made so many bonds these past 4 years. Friends I had from middle school glowed even brighter or faded away from my life. But I'm glad to have met them all. There are times when I sit in disbelief that I'm living now. That I'm not experiencing what I experienced in 8th grade or at the end of Governor's school or at the end of elementary school when I moved to WWMS. It's an entirely different feeling, because these bonds are stronger than glue. Much, much stronger.

Friends have shaped me into what I am, or I should say, who I am. Every habit I have, every secret I keep, everything I say to humor an audience revolves around my friends, and maybe my family. But my friends have affected my behavior in group settings. No one wants to be awkward or lonely or outcasted or annoying, so we melt into the pot. At the same time we don't want to dilute this stew, so we add our own ingredient: Ourselves. As this year closes and as we move onto college, we realize that our new set of friends will entirely be different-- or, almost entirely. There will be people who remind us of old high school buddies, and people who remind us of our nemeses. In the end, it's hard to forget everyone who has touched our lives. And in these moments when we're reminded, we could feel nostalgic, maybe even nauseous, at the fact that all we can do to contact that person is type a short message to him or her or hear their voice for a few minutes in conversation but you know they have better things to do than to talk to you since they have a busy schedule with their own set of friends and they're probably thinking of someone else.

High school will be a connection for later in life. If we ever happen to meet someone who went to J.P. Stevens, he or she will already have become part of our family. Because they went to the same high school, they might have the same ideals and experiences, memories and friends. You could talk about common friends or enemies, teachers and teachers' pets, the school, the lack of air conditioning, the insane heat wave, the dearth of paper, the inedible lunch food, etcetera. High school will be a room in our minds just as middle school has become a room, just as elementary school has become a room. But of course, each room becomes further away from us as we age. In 30 years, we might not remember any detail of high school except for maybe that we graduated. We graduated in.. what year was that? 2008?

And we might remember one or two influential teachers, three or four close friends, or maybe more. But not everyone. It's a shame. That's why we made yearbooks: to jog our memory, to be a key for this room.

I decided I'm not going to try not to cry on graduation day. Crying is a way of human expression that comes out instead of words or exagerations. It's what we do when we don't know what else to do except cry. And it's natural to cry when we imagine how much we will miss someone, not that we miss them already. I miss all of my friends right now. Because right now, I have another final to study for, and that means I can't be with them. And this empty feeling will take hold and grab our stomachs each time we wish we could see our friends but can't. We cry now for fear of loneliness later, only we know we won't be lonely. Some of us will have friends from high school who carried into the same college, and that'll remind us of the good times we had, and we'll be comforted a bit. But we cry now for how much we will miss our friends. We cry now because that's all we can do. And there's nothing wrong with that.

"That's how it is on this bitch of an earth."

New xanga:

http://www.xanga.com/notengasmiedo

Hey everyone! just came back from the trip! best time ever! thanks all of you people. lol.

I spent so much money... i went there with 50$.. and i got handed back to me about 55$ for lunch on various occasions.. and im left with 23$. hahaha. -__________-

day one: 3/31/05
got to school at 4:56 AM, unloaded, started chatting with people. lmao karen threw my pillow in the trash can coz Jingna didn't catch it (we were playing catch.) but nonetheless i still slept on the pillow. Then went on buses the hour after... sat next to julia (who i didn't know at that point), behind karen and jingna, next to mike zhang and varoon, in front of Jenn and Daria. First hour on the bus was boring. We just stayed quiet... but the people in the back were loud as hell. So we watched Mission to Mars.. then the Tuxedo.. Then the front part of Triple X. (lol if i typed XXX it would look weird. o_O) Stopped at Baltimore Harbor for 4 hours going oto the Gallery Mall with Jason, Jingna, and Karen..omg Jason sprayed me with perfume. lol i kept on rubbing it on other people even the people i didn't know.... lmao..... then back on the road.we ate dinner at a Chinese Buffet Restaurant in Williamsburg, claimed to be the best in Williamsburg. Man they apparently have never been to NJ. then went to hotel, then open-door free time playing cards and macking chicks. lol. weehee fun. went to sleep pretty early- around 12:00 coz Ed didn't want to stay up.. and we watched family guy and mXc. I slept on the floor.. man the guys next door were so loud I could hardly sleep.

Day Two: 4/1/05
We all had to wake up around 4:30... Then we all went to breakfast at a pancake restaurant. Then drove to the New Baptist Church.. and sang.. the judges talked for half-an hour. -_-. After all the performances were done, we went to Lafeyette High school, ate a couple of subs, waited for the Band and Orchestra people to finish, then went back to the hotel. Changed, went to colonial williamsburg. Again, it was Me, Jingna, and Karen.. added on to Jean and Bryan and Yourstone. haha i bought the Bill of Rights and the Declaration of Independence. =O. Played ultimate frisbee... crazy. Then back to the hotel, another open-door policy session of free time, and then to bed.

Day 3: 4/2/05
Busch Garden day: raining though. Who cared, anyway?
So we were all in ponchos trying to share 1 umbrella between 5 people, lmao hahaha. Went on Alpengeist and Big Bad Wolf and Apollo Chariot. Awesome yo.. but I got soaked lol. nothing broke though. (as in camera, CD player, or Cell phone.) My shoes got wet too.. and all my clothes were soaked. Then about 12:00 we went to the Black Forest in Oktoberfest for a Chicken Lunch. then we were given an option to go back to the hotel or not, or to go back and stay or go back and come back later.The rain stopped. While we were walking towards the exit, it rained again, but twice as hard. I was lucky I bought an umbrella. Alice slipped and sprained her knee =\ then Got on  the bus, hearing that John Paul II died said the whole Rosary using Kholood's Rosary card thing. I bet it rained because he died. His death was the end of a man who led a hard life.  And then I got in the hotel, took a shower, and then it was open-door policy again(free time and visiting anyone else with a open door if you havent figured that out yet) ... stayed in Sophie's room watching TV.. lol thanks Jie3 for being so nice. lol. anyway.. then went to the old gang of Ed, Kevin, Yi Ying, Kirstie, Mary, Alice, Jaw Ray, etc etc etc. watched Teen titans lol.. and then played the game called.. ;ahem; "Suck and Blow".. where one person starts with the card and sucking it so that it stays on their lips and thne passes on to the next person to do the same.. lmao mad funny. I sucked at it. haha get it, sucked? but anyway.. omfg Kevin and Andy kept on dropping the card so that it was eww gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. lololololololol. Then we decided to watch "Shaun of the dead..." which was overly gory and funny and the same time... one scene the guy gets his organs ripped out by the zombies... x_X omg my eyes.. i swear i had bad nightmares about guts that night. lol. so many people watching the movie too, the room was so full. In the end, the zombies were all under control, and treated like retarded people- like special olympics and such. hahaha. Went to sleep on the carpet, no matress, no blankets, only a pillow. quite comfy, actually.

Day 4: 4/3/05 (today)
Woke up around 7:00, got dressed then on the bus to go to Breakfast. sat with the other two infallible basses, who argues that since they had a cold, they were temperorily fallible. lol. After eating, back to the hotel, brought our luggage downstairs and then said goodbye to the hotel. Sat in the same seat that I started with on day 1... watched AI.. then stopped at Baltimore. Walked around with Jingna and Karen and Steve Yourstone again... went to Barnes and Nobles, i bought a voodoo kit for the bore of it.. it was a rip off, but a stupid way to spend money. lol. Then to the "Gallery Mall" again.. didn't go to as many clothes shops (Thank God).. then ate Lunch at Steak Escape... went to suncoast video store and bought me a shirt that said "Got Sake?" (too bad Ed already has one of these) and Goldmember.. Karen and Steve (canto one) and Jingna and Me all chipped on one dollar for it. lol. then at 3:00 went back on the bus, watched it, MAD FUNNY. lmao, i loved the scene with the shadow. omg lmao it looked like Austin's Dick was a hand that was playing with him and everything, and like handing him an apple but it was really mini-me. hahahhahahahahahahahaahahahaha.... man I died of laughter. Then did some homework, listened to some slipknot, slept for 10 minutes.. while on the road, and then the people in the back started playing truth or dare. -_- and so when we almost got back home, I decided to join.. and Cheng asked me the most evil and toughest questions ever for truth. "When did you last jack off, and who were you thinking about????" -_______- I could not tell them who. lmao. so i just said, after about 20 minutes, 6 days ago to a downloaded movie. yes im a perv, but who doesn't jerk off. lololol.
Then got back home.

My feet are blistered coz my sneakers never dried.

Anyway, the results that you may read on everyone else's xanga..

Concert Choir: Superior Rating, 1st place
A capella Choir: Superior Rating, 2nd place. -____- Concert beat A Capella
Mens Choir: Superior Rating, 1st place
Womans Choir: Superior Rating, 1st place
Chamber Choir: Superior Rating, 1st place.

PWNZERS.

and congrats to Rebecca Quan for receiving the Accompanist award. woot

now I got my spanish hw and my english hw to do. Great time at Williamsburg Virginia.

Thanks so much to all the chaperones, the teachers (Mrs. Wions and Mr. Wu), the bus drivers, and all my friends that made it an awesome time. You people rock I made a lot of new friends and strengthened the friendships between my acquaintances.

I think this xanga entry is a little too long. cya

--edit

i jus found out mesmerize by system of a down is pushed back to May 17th. !!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna buy that album so bad...

WILLIAMSBURG TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

my moms the chaperone tho. lol. i saw the chaperone list that she brought home. half the guys are under mr. wu and the other half are under some indian dad. hahaha. boy, that will be funny

today was awkward...

science: went over homework. man nienburg really can't teach. he only goes over stuff and then stops so that the next day there will still be stuff to go over... more hw.

spanish: quiz: i thought it was okay. didn't like it tho. i didn't know anything about the culture of the caribbean...

Choir: rehearsed one last time. stayed after for 20 minutes

then gym: OMFG SAV IS SO GAAAAY THAT B!%#&*%!!!!!! felicia and i stayed for choir.. and then showed up on the track field with a PASS and ms. sav gave us unprepared for not being dressed. WTF... she said "are you saying that choir is more important than my class?" OMFG I WOULDVE SAID YES BUT SHE IS SUCH A BITCH I COULDN'T EVEN DIGNIFY THAT WITH A ANSWER. OMFGOMFGOMFG I HATE HER SO MUCH

and then study hall, i slept

lunch- Christine needed chage for a dollar, and so i got three quarters out and kaiti got out another quarter and so she leaned over to get it.. and doing so knocked over my can of iced tea. i didn't notice.. lol then i was like.. o_O? and she was like.. omg omg im so sorry. =P lol its ok. my sandwich was all drenched in nestea. still didn't taste too bad. then i sipped the nestea from the tray.. that had vinegar and mayo dissolved in it with a straw. omg lol i thought i was gonna get money. then derek said "okay, i'll go home and open my monopoly game and give you two dollars." -_- lol gross.

then english class, i kind of overacted antony's soliloquy.. people were laughing when i started yelling so loud at the word "HAVOC!" .. but it takes nerve to yell while acting, you know? i just felt like doing that. lol

history class, another boring lecture by mr. barton.. he sucks. he can't even teach.

the math quiz was pretty okay.. i bet i got a lot wrong though, coz of stupid mistakes...

yay system of a down released a new single on March 29, 2005 called B.Y.O.B. I dled it from limewire already. its awesome. im really anticipating their album that should come out late may y the latest.. mesmerize. =D and then i nlate summer/fall, hypnotize. the songs i heard from mesmerize.. cigaro and byob are awesome.

and now my mom is having a lunch party upstair with no more than 15 people..? lol so that means when they leave i'll have a bunch of junk to eat. =D

i need to start packing.. and also start my homework thats due on monday. -_- im not gonna have any time to do it, so might as well finish it on the bus tomorrow, or finish it today. T_T

okay. with this i depart, to be back in 4 days. sorry maria and sherlyn and vanil and everyone else who can't go. =\.. i'll bring back souvenirs. lol.

lolol coz sunny gave them to me. thanks man.

man i suck so much at that game. even though sunny gave me some of the best items in the game i keep on gettin ripped off. -_______- im such a n00b.

but otherwise, math sucks. quiz tomorrow? i dont even get this stuff.............................damnit.

KALSON RESENTED GOD OMG LETS KILL THAT INFIDEL

lol jk. but lets beat him down. he is against God.

Lilfkuri: god isn't real
Waitndbleed523: SHUT UP
Waitndbleed523: BLASPHEMER!
Waitndbleed523: BLASPHEMER!
Waitndbleed523: BLASPHEMER!
Waitndbleed523: BLASPHEMER!
Waitndbleed523: BLASPHEMER!
Lilfkuri: wth is that
Lilkuri: stop!
Waitndbleed523: lol
Waitndbleed523: look it up
Lilfkuri: no
Lilfkuri: you're making me do work.

stupid lvl 2 azn. =P